Today’s been a rotten day. The phone has not stopped ringing, I have had nasty emails from people accusing me of things I haven’t even done, I am still trying to debug masses of code - and to end the day I spent 3 hours on the phone to a prospect, repeatedly explaining something that a kid would grasp in 5 minutes.
It was during my exhausting conversation with the prospect that I had a strong sense of deja-vu. When he hung up, I realised that I’d had a client just like him years ago. In fact, clients and prospects seem to fit a few generic types - for me at least! These are my personal top five…
The Snail
These clients can make or (more often) break freelance designers. They do this by paying your invoices six weeks after the really, completely, absolutely latest date you can possibly accept payment - and ironically they are usually the ones who get their deliverables on time, every time. Maybe I should try the “treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen” method of invoice negotiation instead?
The Charity Case
I’ve done my fair share of unpaid work for charities in the past, and I’ve really enjoyed most of it - but this is something else entirely. These clients make paid projects totally unprofitable for you, because they take far more time and effort than you’re actually getting paid for! This problem comes in many flavours: demands for reduced prices and asking for extra unpaid (out-of-hours) support are the two I come across most often.
These guys will blindly accept anything you say, provide anything you ask for, pay you more money if you say you need it, and wait for weeks past the deadline before they call to ask how you’re getting on. So these should be the perfect client, right? Wrong! I should love these clients, but they bring out the worst in me! When doing a project for an invertebrate it’s guaranteed that I’ll be at my most lazy, unmotivated, uncaring level… It’s quite a scary metamorphosis!
The Lo-Tech
These are the ones who frequently make a face like they’ve just seen you eat your own nose - when all you’ve actually done is talked about email, social networking, blogging or web accessibility. They refer to video recorders as “Xerox machines”, think broadband is a new radio frequency, and ask for everything to be printed out on foolscap and posted to them.
The Pixel-Shifter
I hate these guys the most. I’ve spent six months trying to create a simple business card for one, and then bolted when they’ve asked me to rework their logo! After showing them any kind of design, they will typically say something like: “Could you move that down half a millimetre. Hmmmm. Now move this left an eighth of an inch for me. Hmm. Now make the text one point size bigger, and add two percent magenta to that block of colour. Hmmmmmmmm. No - I don’t like that at all. Perhaps you could try a different approach?”
The Conclusion
So… What do you do if you’ve got one of the above client-types on your books? Well, personally I’d give them the boot after you’ve finished any outstanding work for them! There are so many nice, friendly, understanding, helpful clients looking for designers, and I believe that most people can get away with being a bit choosy!
Who have I missed then? What are you stereotypical clients like? Got any clients like mine? Leave a comment and let me know!
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