Comments on: Shut Mouth, Engage Brain? http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/ the personal blog of Paul Enderson Tue, 07 Oct 2008 02:17:33 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.1 By: Nerd On Vacation // Headsetoptions.org http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/#comment-1689 Nerd On Vacation // Headsetoptions.org Mon, 27 Aug 2007 03:41:02 +0000 http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/#comment-1689 [...] Paul Enderson: Reflections [...] […] Paul Enderson: Reflections […]

]]> By: Paul http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/#comment-1579 Paul Wed, 22 Aug 2007 03:49:54 +0000 http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/#comment-1579 Vivien, You've got an excellent point about critiquing the problem and not the person - I like that! :) ------ Johno, I'm not sure... I think I'd rather lose a contract than keep my lips buttoned for those who can't handle criticism! ;) ------ Sunny, I was asked some time ago to build a site for a group that supported racist behaviour. I told them to get knotted at the time, but where should the line be drawn when it comes to professionalism? Should we as contractors be able to put our personal feelings aside? Vivien,

You’ve got an excellent point about critiquing the problem and not the person - I like that! :)

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Johno,

I’m not sure… I think I’d rather lose a contract than keep my lips buttoned for those who can’t handle criticism! ;)

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Sunny,

I was asked some time ago to build a site for a group that supported racist behaviour. I told them to get knotted at the time, but where should the line be drawn when it comes to professionalism? Should we as contractors be able to put our personal feelings aside?

]]> By: hso http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/#comment-1521 hso Sun, 19 Aug 2007 17:15:17 +0000 http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/#comment-1521 Frankly, it depends on who I am dealing with, for example, I built a site for a group who opposed my political views very strongly, I worked well with them nonetheless and my mouth was shut all through the process, but on the other hand, my colleagues get to hear my BS opinions! Frankly, it depends on who I am dealing with, for example, I built a site for a group who opposed my political views very strongly, I worked well with them nonetheless and my mouth was shut all through the process, but on the other hand, my colleagues get to hear my BS opinions!

]]> By: johno http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/#comment-1508 johno Sun, 19 Aug 2007 07:43:11 +0000 http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/#comment-1508 I think before speaking (one's mind) one needs to perform a quick cost-benefit analysis: who am I talking to?; even if I do cause offence, do I care? (what's the cost?). You're definitely correct in saying that as a freelancer there are fewer people to offend; however, sometimes the cost of speaking one's mind can be higher: in the workplace, doing so may offend, and may make for some uncomfortable situations; as a freelancer, it may cost the contract. Diplomacy is the key. Some people do not take kindly to any form of criticism; then perhaps we need to save our "pearls of wisdom" for those who can take it on the chin, those who are open-minded enough and objective enough to judge the opinion rather than the owner of the mouth that opines. I think before speaking (one’s mind) one needs to perform a quick cost-benefit analysis: who am I talking to?; even if I do cause offence, do I care? (what’s the cost?). You’re definitely correct in saying that as a freelancer there are fewer people to offend; however, sometimes the cost of speaking one’s mind can be higher: in the workplace, doing so may offend, and may make for some uncomfortable situations; as a freelancer, it may cost the contract.

Diplomacy is the key. Some people do not take kindly to any form of criticism; then perhaps we need to save our “pearls of wisdom” for those who can take it on the chin, those who are open-minded enough and objective enough to judge the opinion rather than the owner of the mouth that opines.

]]> By: inspirationbit http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/#comment-1481 inspirationbit Sat, 18 Aug 2007 01:01:33 +0000 http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/#comment-1481 with me it really depends - sometimes I can be very diplomatic, other times my words can hurt. Most of the time I speak my mind and try not being offensive. I think the way to work it out is to critique the problem, the argument, not the person, then your critique stops being personal and becomes constructive. Although I do admit that some people don't like any kind of criticism, even if they asked themselves for a constructive one. Another thing that helps is providing some helpful solutions along with the critique. with me it really depends - sometimes I can be very diplomatic, other times my words can hurt. Most of the time I speak my mind and try not being offensive. I think the way to work it out is to critique the problem, the argument, not the person, then your critique stops being personal and becomes constructive. Although I do admit that some people don’t like any kind of criticism, even if they asked themselves for a constructive one. Another thing that helps is providing some helpful solutions along with the critique.

]]> By: Paul http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/#comment-1474 Paul Fri, 17 Aug 2007 15:46:03 +0000 http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/#comment-1474 Chelle, So flexible inconsistency is the answer then? I've certainly had my fair share of dramas as a result of speaking my mind..! :) ------ Robyn, Critque by it's nature is often negative, which probably explains why many recipients shut off when presented with some. I think that perhaps the trick would be to bury the critical with positive comments, forcing somebody to absorb the whole lot together. ------ Akila, Thanks for joining the discussion - I appreciate your input! It never fails to amaze me how a smile can disguise so much... :) ------ Jennifer, I certainly agree that intolerance comes with age. I used to put up with all sorts of things when I was younger, but these days I'll complain and speak my mind if something doesn't meet my standards! ------ Tara, I had a fantastic break - thanks! I think you've got the right attitude actually. Under-promise and over-delivery, as opposed to the opposite! ------ David, Maybe I've been unlucky in my choice of medical professional, but I've dealt with several doctors who've told me what I wanted to hear - although I've then sought a second opinion! It's always a good idea to follow negative critique with a positive resolution. ------ Damien, My wife and I are the other way round - with some of my confidence rubbing off on her! Stubborn clients are indeed a pain... I had a great break - cheers for asking! It made me realise that I seriously need to reduce the amount of stress in my life, and take things down a notch or two - which is precisely what I intend to do over the coming months! ------ Lisa, I think the title of CEO is a prerequisite for being a pompous ass. There's too many people who are both for it to be purely coincidental! I like the idea of a shift from 'designer' to 'consultant'. That certainly opens the door for a more opinion-geared relationship. :) ------ Paul, It's definitely difficult to strike the right balance as you say. I guess we all strive to be forward-thinking, modest and polite at the same time! I've spoken to you now... ;) Chelle,

So flexible inconsistency is the answer then? I’ve certainly had my fair share of dramas as a result of speaking my mind..! :)

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Robyn,

Critque by it’s nature is often negative, which probably explains why many recipients shut off when presented with some. I think that perhaps the trick would be to bury the critical with positive comments, forcing somebody to absorb the whole lot together.

——

Akila,

Thanks for joining the discussion - I appreciate your input! It never fails to amaze me how a smile can disguise so much… :)

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Jennifer,

I certainly agree that intolerance comes with age. I used to put up with all sorts of things when I was younger, but these days I’ll complain and speak my mind if something doesn’t meet my standards!

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Tara,

I had a fantastic break - thanks!

I think you’ve got the right attitude actually. Under-promise and over-delivery, as opposed to the opposite!

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David,

Maybe I’ve been unlucky in my choice of medical professional, but I’ve dealt with several doctors who’ve told me what I wanted to hear - although I’ve then sought a second opinion!

It’s always a good idea to follow negative critique with a positive resolution.

——

Damien,

My wife and I are the other way round - with some of my confidence rubbing off on her! Stubborn clients are indeed a pain…

I had a great break - cheers for asking! It made me realise that I seriously need to reduce the amount of stress in my life, and take things down a notch or two - which is precisely what I intend to do over the coming months!

——

Lisa,

I think the title of CEO is a prerequisite for being a pompous ass. There’s too many people who are both for it to be purely coincidental!

I like the idea of a shift from ‘designer’ to ‘consultant’. That certainly opens the door for a more opinion-geared relationship. :)

——

Paul,

It’s definitely difficult to strike the right balance as you say. I guess we all strive to be forward-thinking, modest and polite at the same time!

I’ve spoken to you now… ;)

]]> By: Paul B http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/#comment-1471 Paul B Fri, 17 Aug 2007 11:15:43 +0000 http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/#comment-1471 The number of times I've "bitten my tongue" thinking that I really want to say something, but thought better of it I really could do with additional hands to count them ;) I think that it depends on the situation (case by case) as to whether you approach it with complete honesty (diplomatically of course) or whether to gloss over it. To be "submissive" and keep your thoughts to yourself could portray you as the sort that has no initiative or that you have little or no opinions on a subject. On the other hand if you speak your mind too much it can portray you as arrogant to the point of being rude... There is a middle ground, but it's difficult to judge where it is according to the situation you're in... BTW good to see you around - where's your mobile?? The number of times I’ve “bitten my tongue” thinking that I really want to say something, but thought better of it I really could do with additional hands to count them ;)

I think that it depends on the situation (case by case) as to whether you approach it with complete honesty (diplomatically of course) or whether to gloss over it.

To be “submissive” and keep your thoughts to yourself could portray you as the sort that has no initiative or that you have little or no opinions on a subject. On the other hand if you speak your mind too much it can portray you as arrogant to the point of being rude… There is a middle ground, but it’s difficult to judge where it is according to the situation you’re in…

BTW good to see you around - where’s your mobile??

]]> By: Lisa Sabin-Wilson http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/#comment-1465 Lisa Sabin-Wilson Fri, 17 Aug 2007 02:32:16 +0000 http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/#comment-1465 Funny.. I was just having a conversation with my husband this morning about a job that I used to have. At that job, my direct boss was the CEO of the company..and he was an ass. A pompous one, at that. I have a good handful of stories about that man that land in the "woulda, coulda, shoulda" category of what I should have said to him at the time I should have said it. That was 10 years ago - - and to this day, I still day dream about the things I should have said :) That's kind of off your topic, though. As a consultant - it's my policy to say what's on my mind, particularly if I feel its in the best interest of the project at hand. People don't hire consultants to keep things at a 'status quo' level and they don't bring in consultants to serve as 'yes men' (or women, as it were). Aside from that, staying true to your own feelings, no matter the situation, will serve you well in the long run - - after all, its you who has to live with you. :) It may not pay the bills, but at least you can live with yourself :) Funny.. I was just having a conversation with my husband this morning about a job that I used to have. At that job, my direct boss was the CEO of the company..and he was an ass. A pompous one, at that.

I have a good handful of stories about that man that land in the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” category of what I should have said to him at the time I should have said it. That was 10 years ago - - and to this day, I still day dream about the things I should have said :)

That’s kind of off your topic, though.

As a consultant - it’s my policy to say what’s on my mind, particularly if I feel its in the best interest of the project at hand. People don’t hire consultants to keep things at a ’status quo’ level and they don’t bring in consultants to serve as ‘yes men’ (or women, as it were).

Aside from that, staying true to your own feelings, no matter the situation, will serve you well in the long run - - after all, its you who has to live with you. :) It may not pay the bills, but at least you can live with yourself :)

]]> By: Damien King - Website Design Blog http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/#comment-1455 Damien King - Website Design Blog Thu, 16 Aug 2007 14:49:10 +0000 http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/#comment-1455 I agree with Jennifer; I find that, over the years, I've slowly become more used to speaking up when I disagree with things. One of my current clients is very particular about certain webpage elements, and I disagree with some of them. I'm still going ahead and doing them, but I've made my point loud and clear to the client first. Stubborn clients, eh? I think my girlfriend has also influenced me a tad. Shes very upfront about things, and its rubbed off on me a little over the years. Enjoy your break away, Paul? :) I agree with Jennifer; I find that, over the years, I’ve slowly become more used to speaking up when I disagree with things. One of my current clients is very particular about certain webpage elements, and I disagree with some of them. I’m still going ahead and doing them, but I’ve made my point loud and clear to the client first. Stubborn clients, eh?

I think my girlfriend has also influenced me a tad. Shes very upfront about things, and its rubbed off on me a little over the years.

Enjoy your break away, Paul? :)

]]> By: David Airey :: Graphic Designer http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/#comment-1454 David Airey :: Graphic Designer Thu, 16 Aug 2007 14:48:17 +0000 http://paulenderson.com/2007/08/15/shut-mouth-engage-brain/#comment-1454 Hi Paul, Good to 'see' you back. It's important to say what you think, as it's your thought-process that sets you apart from others, and that's why people hire you in the first place. Sure, it might not be what people want to hear, but think of the people, outwith your family, that you place the most trust in – doctors. How much faith would you have in doctors if they only ever told you what you wanted to hear? For me, saying what you think is vital in building trust. The best way to put your point across, if it's a negative one, is to follow it up immediately with a positive one, a possible resolution. Hi Paul,

Good to ’see’ you back.

It’s important to say what you think, as it’s your thought-process that sets you apart from others, and that’s why people hire you in the first place.

Sure, it might not be what people want to hear, but think of the people, outwith your family, that you place the most trust in – doctors. How much faith would you have in doctors if they only ever told you what you wanted to hear?

For me, saying what you think is vital in building trust. The best way to put your point across, if it’s a negative one, is to follow it up immediately with a positive one, a possible resolution.

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