Shut Mouth, Engage Brain?
It seems so long ago, but there was once a time when I was a true corporate worker: suited, booted, and driven by the businesses that I worked for. I rode the dotcom boom like a cowboy on a stallion!
I’ve never really understood the need for office politics though, and I remember spending a great deal of time biting my lip during executive board meetings, out of fear for saying something that would end up coming back to haunt me, and because it helped my career aspirations at the time to do so.
I certainly wasn’t prone to saying stupid things though, and I’d never have dreamt of stating facts that weren’t true - unlike some of my peers at the time. What I had was a tendency to ignore established office hierarchies, and a desire to tell people exactly what I thought of them.
Fortunately though, my anti-establishment comments ended up not mattering at all, like many of life’s little problems seem to do. The companies in question ended up being bought up for vast amounts of money, or (more often) they went gurgling down the drain - and I moved to much greener pastures.
I’ve learnt a lot since those days, and the connection between my mouth and my brain is now much more reliable. I don’t think that there’s much point in censoring myself though. As a Freelancer, there’s far fewer people to offend!
So which is worse: saying what you mean to somebody at the risk of offending them, or shutting-up for the sake of keeping the peace? I think that less damage is done by speaking your mind, than by clamping your jaw shut all day long. What about you?
Thanks to the following people for their valued comments on my recent posts: Damien King, Tara @ GDB, Paul B, Aaron, Vivienne Quek, Calvin Warr, Marc Rapp, Charity, Brad, LaurenMarie, Small Potato, Matt Foster, Asgeir, Lene, Scot Smith and Sunny @ HSO.
- Test Results
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- I’m Back… Sort Of
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I think it depends on the situation and the person you are dealing with and how well you know them. Sometimes it’s not worth the risk of drama of opening your mouth and it’s not worth grinding your teeth over and it’s best to just let it go. Every situation and everyone you deal with is unique and I think so is the way you deal with your thoughts with those people.
Hi Paul, for one reason or another some people love to critique. The motives behind critique can be many. But I do know that the recipient of critique often receives it as attack. Because I want to encourage others, I try to share positive tips to move a person forward rather than critique which literally shuts down the brain’s ability to think clearly.
I think that the problem is that we equate speaking one’s mind to being rude - thus causing offense. I’ve found that it always works to say what you think - but say it in a way that’s inoffensive, with a smile. So this is how I’ve managed to disagree a lot with my clients without them ever losing face or my losing work.
Hi Paul,
I find that the older I’m getting, the more intolerant I’ve become and tend to speak my mind a bit more. This could be something to do with confidence and knowing that I know my subject.
Having said that I’m also confident enough to say “yeah right whatever” IN MY HEAD and let the person off with being an idiot!
It really depends on the person you’re talking to.
Hi Paul, glad to see you are back. Hope you had a good break.
I am afraid I say what I think, although I try not to do it in a rude way, that’s probably why I am not a very good salesperson. For example, when someone tries to set you a brief in impossible time I will say so, I don’t see the point in blagging it, failing and letting someone down, although I will always say what I think can be done.
Hi Paul,
Good to ’see’ you back.
It’s important to say what you think, as it’s your thought-process that sets you apart from others, and that’s why people hire you in the first place.
Sure, it might not be what people want to hear, but think of the people, outwith your family, that you place the most trust in – doctors. How much faith would you have in doctors if they only ever told you what you wanted to hear?
For me, saying what you think is vital in building trust. The best way to put your point across, if it’s a negative one, is to follow it up immediately with a positive one, a possible resolution.
I agree with Jennifer; I find that, over the years, I’ve slowly become more used to speaking up when I disagree with things. One of my current clients is very particular about certain webpage elements, and I disagree with some of them. I’m still going ahead and doing them, but I’ve made my point loud and clear to the client first. Stubborn clients, eh?
I think my girlfriend has also influenced me a tad. Shes very upfront about things, and its rubbed off on me a little over the years.
Enjoy your break away, Paul?
Funny.. I was just having a conversation with my husband this morning about a job that I used to have. At that job, my direct boss was the CEO of the company..and he was an ass. A pompous one, at that.
I have a good handful of stories about that man that land in the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” category of what I should have said to him at the time I should have said it. That was 10 years ago - - and to this day, I still day dream about the things I should have said
That’s kind of off your topic, though.
As a consultant - it’s my policy to say what’s on my mind, particularly if I feel its in the best interest of the project at hand. People don’t hire consultants to keep things at a ’status quo’ level and they don’t bring in consultants to serve as ‘yes men’ (or women, as it were).
Aside from that, staying true to your own feelings, no matter the situation, will serve you well in the long run - - after all, its you who has to live with you.
It may not pay the bills, but at least you can live with yourself 
The number of times I’ve “bitten my tongue” thinking that I really want to say something, but thought better of it I really could do with additional hands to count them
I think that it depends on the situation (case by case) as to whether you approach it with complete honesty (diplomatically of course) or whether to gloss over it.
To be “submissive” and keep your thoughts to yourself could portray you as the sort that has no initiative or that you have little or no opinions on a subject. On the other hand if you speak your mind too much it can portray you as arrogant to the point of being rude… There is a middle ground, but it’s difficult to judge where it is according to the situation you’re in…
BTW good to see you around - where’s your mobile??
Chelle,
So flexible inconsistency is the answer then? I’ve certainly had my fair share of dramas as a result of speaking my mind..!
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Robyn,
Critque by it’s nature is often negative, which probably explains why many recipients shut off when presented with some. I think that perhaps the trick would be to bury the critical with positive comments, forcing somebody to absorb the whole lot together.
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Akila,
Thanks for joining the discussion - I appreciate your input! It never fails to amaze me how a smile can disguise so much…
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Jennifer,
I certainly agree that intolerance comes with age. I used to put up with all sorts of things when I was younger, but these days I’ll complain and speak my mind if something doesn’t meet my standards!
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Tara,
I had a fantastic break - thanks!
I think you’ve got the right attitude actually. Under-promise and over-delivery, as opposed to the opposite!
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David,
Maybe I’ve been unlucky in my choice of medical professional, but I’ve dealt with several doctors who’ve told me what I wanted to hear - although I’ve then sought a second opinion!
It’s always a good idea to follow negative critique with a positive resolution.
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Damien,
My wife and I are the other way round - with some of my confidence rubbing off on her! Stubborn clients are indeed a pain…
I had a great break - cheers for asking! It made me realise that I seriously need to reduce the amount of stress in my life, and take things down a notch or two - which is precisely what I intend to do over the coming months!
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Lisa,
I think the title of CEO is a prerequisite for being a pompous ass. There’s too many people who are both for it to be purely coincidental!
I like the idea of a shift from ‘designer’ to ‘consultant’. That certainly opens the door for a more opinion-geared relationship.
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Paul,
It’s definitely difficult to strike the right balance as you say. I guess we all strive to be forward-thinking, modest and polite at the same time!
I’ve spoken to you now…
with me it really depends - sometimes I can be very diplomatic, other times my words can hurt. Most of the time I speak my mind and try not being offensive. I think the way to work it out is to critique the problem, the argument, not the person, then your critique stops being personal and becomes constructive. Although I do admit that some people don’t like any kind of criticism, even if they asked themselves for a constructive one. Another thing that helps is providing some helpful solutions along with the critique.
I think before speaking (one’s mind) one needs to perform a quick cost-benefit analysis: who am I talking to?; even if I do cause offence, do I care? (what’s the cost?). You’re definitely correct in saying that as a freelancer there are fewer people to offend; however, sometimes the cost of speaking one’s mind can be higher: in the workplace, doing so may offend, and may make for some uncomfortable situations; as a freelancer, it may cost the contract.
Diplomacy is the key. Some people do not take kindly to any form of criticism; then perhaps we need to save our “pearls of wisdom” for those who can take it on the chin, those who are open-minded enough and objective enough to judge the opinion rather than the owner of the mouth that opines.
Frankly, it depends on who I am dealing with, for example, I built a site for a group who opposed my political views very strongly, I worked well with them nonetheless and my mouth was shut all through the process, but on the other hand, my colleagues get to hear my BS opinions!
Vivien,
You’ve got an excellent point about critiquing the problem and not the person - I like that!
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Johno,
I’m not sure… I think I’d rather lose a contract than keep my lips buttoned for those who can’t handle criticism!
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Sunny,
I was asked some time ago to build a site for a group that supported racist behaviour. I told them to get knotted at the time, but where should the line be drawn when it comes to professionalism? Should we as contractors be able to put our personal feelings aside?
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