10 Most Stupid Client Questions Ever!
One of my greatest pleasures as a web designer is getting the chance to refine my craft but, in contrast to that, one of my greatest burdens is the the number of ridiculous questions that clients have presented me with in the past! Given how long the Internet has been around, and considering the sheer number of sites on the web, you would think that everybody would have at least a basic knowledge of how it all works - but you’d be wrong!
Clients can’t always be expected to understand the complex stuff though - that’s why they pay a designer. But sometimes it would be so much easier if they’d just get a grip!
You’ll need a large spoonful of patience if you’re not going to start alienating your own clients though, because you’re the one with the knowledge. Treat them gently, especially if it’s the first time that they’ve had a web site built! If you know what to expect though, then it should help you deal with the questions when they come!
1. How can we get to the top of Google?
Some people seem to want the moon and the stars on a platter, but Search Engine Optimisation is important for some clients, and your answer wont be made any easier by all the people claiming that a site’s rank can be improved overnight.
It’s often easier to explain how search engines work, and to point out that it can take time and patience to do well with them - and remember that there’s no such thing as a magic bullet!
2. That’s not it. Can you show me something else?
A confused client means an irritated designer. Working for a client is a two-way process, and when clients dismiss everything you offer and go off on one about their own ideas then it can end up being a very long meeting.
Listen to your clients, but make sure you give them direction at the same time - decisions have to be made at some point!
3. Can we give all our visitors their own password to enter the site?
Some clients really do have strange thoughts when it comes to security, but they often don’t realise how problematic those ideas might end up being for their visitors. Many clients will see the web as highly insecure, and think that they’ll be hacked as soon as their site is live.
A calm explanation on what it’s all about should soon sort them out.
4. I don’t like that button. Can you make me 50 alternatives?
I personally have problems choosing between ‘YES’ and ‘NO’ buttons, so quite how a client thinks that 50 choices will help is beyond me!
Once you’ve established a relationship with the client, they should only really need a few concepts to choose from, and if that’s not happening then it’s probably in your best interests to give them the boot.
5. Can you get DVD video to load instantly, but without streaming it?
Sometimes a client will ask for something that is quite literally impossible - often because they have a decent budget tied into the project.
Money can only buy so much though, and some things just simply can’t be done (yet anyway) so gently explain the available options, and let them decide what they’re happiest with.
6. Can’t you just take the content from someone else’s site?
Er, no. Some clients have no concept of copyright whatsoever, and see anything online as free for the taking, but web content is (unless otherwise stated) protected by the same copyright laws as printed content - make sure you drive this one home before you and your client get into seriously hot water!
It’s sometimes worth asking your client if they’d be happy with somebody else taking their work?
7. Can’t you make it look more like a PowerPoint presentation?
Some clients, particularly those in the business world, love PowerPoint and want everything (including their web site) to be just like it. Despite how different the web is to a desktop computer, it may still take subtle persuasive skills to show your client the benefit of a proper web solution.
Besides, we all know that PowerPoint sucks.
8. My son managed to build his site in a weekend - why can’t you?
How about because you want a 5000-page site with a full content management system, but your son’s effort consists of just a single page with a video clip of him mooning.
Some clients really don’t appreciate how long web development and the creative process takes, so simply point out that quality takes time and that you’ll keep them frequently updated on your progress.
9. How much is a web site?
I’ve lost count of the number of times that a prospect has called me, and asked this question before they’ve given me any background on their company or told me what they want to achieve online. This situation often arises because the prospect has seen a site offering an ‘instant online presence’ for a fixed price - usually a sign that the designer offering it isn’t much good!
You’ll need to do some questioning of your own to work around this one! Try to get the potential client to give you something you can work with, but don’t be flippant if they ask questions like: “Will two hundred get us a site like eBay?”
10. Why can’t all the text be in Comic Sans?
Despite the initial desire to answer this with swear words, you need to remember that the artistic incompetence of some clients can be astounding. Perhaps Devils Hands Comic Sans is the company’s corporate font (it happens), or maybe they like it because it’s what they use on internal memos?
All you need to do is bring out your best designs, and make them change their mind as quickly as possible!
I hope you enjoyed my little selection! Have I perhaps missed one that you get asked regularly, or would you like to know how to deal with one question in particular? Let me know! 
My most recent: “I really, REALLY like your personal blog. I want mine just like it. I want the photos displayed just like on YOUR site. I want the navigation menu in the top EXACTLY like YOUR site. Oh, and how you do the titles - -do that too… and the sidebars, exactly like that. The colors too - - I love your colors..”
By the end of the meeting, I’m offering them my first born - - what the hell, I say!
That was fun, thank you! It’s always amazing how unknown the art of typography is. I had the Comic Sans experience too, but regarding the whole corporate design!
The customer pointed out that Comic Sans is “different” and “fresh”. The only other fonts he could name where Arial and Times, because ‘Verduna’ doesn’t count in my eyes. (BTW: If there is a Comic Sans, is there a Comic Serif too?)
Lisa,
So… What you need to do is create a WordPress theme that looks exactly like your personal blog, and then charge people for it over and over again! The money you get from this should free you up for long enough to redesign your site…
Oh, and I’m with you on giving up the first-born. And the second. Oh, and the third too.
—
Zep,
Why create a Comic Serif when the original font sucks so much? It’s like making a new racing car, and calling it the Lada Sport.
Nice thoughts, well, not nice thoughts but a good post.
One I get over, and over, and over…
“Here’s a 20k jpeg for the full size 2 metre banner image.”
LOL! There’s also the opposite: “Here’s 10 DVDs of photos for our staff page. They should be ready to upload.”
Hey Paul,
I had a meeting with a client the other day and started off having to explain your first point to them, which was not as simple as I thought it would be… Would you mind if I just send them over to your website next time I’ll get all the tough questions in, so the client can read this post? Would make things so much easier…
ps, I also had to answer questions #6, 8 and 9 after some time. [I wonder: is there some kind of ‘client standard’, it can’t be coincidencal…]
Feel free to send the problem clients over here, but they probably wont identify with the stereotypes!
Perhaps there’s a book on Amazon called “How To Be a Difficult Client”?
[noticed my typo in my previous comment, should be coincidental]
I reckon some of them will be so in denial don’t you think?
I’m surprised to see that designers end up having to deal with the same issues, I just wonder why that is, perhaps you should write a book about it?
[I’ll be the first to buy!]
How about “Confessions of a Web Designer”, or “Dummies Guide to Crap Clients”?
Paul - I have had all of those clients! Yikes! How about the clients who still are asking for blinking text or cartoon-y animated gifs?
This definitely got me nodding “Yup! Been there” from the get go. I think #2 and #6 are the ones I have to deal with the most. I never thought about asking them how they would feel if someone else used there stuff. Good point!
Gaaaah! #9! I always want to tell them “$10,000. And if it’s less, you’ll be happy.”
#10 - and change our logo to Papyrus!
Hehehe, @Char, I had many coworkers bugging me to put a link to almost every page on the homepage because “everyone who comes to the site wants this page, and this page and this page… but this one in particular!” I got so fed up hearing it all the time that I put a big blinking button on the home page with the “this one in particular” page. I know, I’m bad, but they were actually pleased!!!
And as to the book, I believe there is already one written for the designer on dealing with clients.
Char,
You forgot marquee scrollers! Out of all the nightmares that Microsoft has lumped us with over the years, marquees are the worst!
—
LaurenMarie,
LOL! Papyrus is *definitely* another typeface that should be consigned to the depths of Hell…
Good tip on the book!
[quote comment=”518″]How about “Confessions of a Web Designer”, or “Dummies Guide to Crap Clients”? :)[/quote]
LMAO, I LOVE the latter… You would do a great job!
Thanks LaurenMarie for mentioning the book, will look into that! [just for fun]
Great set of questions that we have all heard at one time of the other, I like the way you write too. I was trying to think of any other questions I have been asked, but either I can’t remember or you’ve got them all covered!
[quote post=”53″]I like the way you write too[/quote]
Aw shucks… I think that’s the first time anybody’s said that! LOL!
I second Davids image gripes.
Can you send my a copy of your logo please?
Can’t you just copy and paste it off the website?
Erm, no.
LOL - yeah I’ve had that one loads of times too! Glad to know that these aren’t questions that only my clients ask!
How about the clients who believe firmly that putting music on their site enhances the user experience? Or, who believe that a flash intro screen is a must-have? Ughhhhh!
You know something? I made a rule a couple of years ago to stop doing intro screens. They’re totally pointless and a waste of time - so I just started saying ‘no’ to clients who asked for them. When I’ve explained the reasons behind it, most clients have agreed with my point of view - so I think I can officially call myself an ‘Intro-Free Freelancer’.
Just as the background music thing was starting to lose popularity on websites, along came MySpace - and sent everyone back to the dark ages!
Great topics.
I’m a freelance designer in Turkey and i see that the stupidity of questions that clients ask is universal…
I am really having difficulties in explaining things to my clients like;
1-copywriting
2-intro animation
3-at least 3 background music
etc.
Well, i really got used to these type of situations but i believe that something must be done to protect the creativity…I’m not really satisfied with the results for most of my work but i have to (financial issues)… I really wish that someday we (designers) will be trusted. I feel useless when a client decides what to put on the site and what will it be look like. And believe it or not they usually decide the colors of their site because of their football teams or what their 13 year old child think of…
Thanks Paul, i feel better….+)
Hi Sarp,
Thanks for your comment! I’m glad you enjoyed the article…
I have found myself that some clients respect me more if I assert my influence over what they ask for - so I give them very good reasons not to have an intro, or background music. Perhaps you could try this with your clients?
You are not alone though!
+)
Thanks again Paul…I just got an e-mail from one of my clients while reading your comment.
It is about how a web page design should be like +)
I don’t have a website. but please allow me to say: It’s peoples sense of self importance and lack of humility that makes them ask stupid questions. If i were to contract with an expert to set up a website, Iwould go mind my own business and leave the expert alone to do his or her work. people
cause their own stupidity with a lack of trust and insecurity. Myheart goes out to you. I recognize my own dumbness when it comes to computer technology, so i try to stay out of the way of people who know what they are doing. One dumb question please. Idownloaded a cuckoo clock program and
then tried to delete it because the cuckoo wouldn’t stop cuckooing but after I went to my uninstall page and deleted it Ithought it was over, but guess what even if i stop it by rebooting it will start again and keep on going. what should i do? thanks, Doug
[…] Daniel Paul […]
[…] [thanks to Lisa, Zep, David Airey, Tess, Char, LaurenMarie, Tara, Aaron, Randa, Sarp and Doug for their comments on my (surprisingly successful) previous post] […]
Not Comic Sans, but a not so better alternative - one of my clients loves Curlz MT and Kristen ITC. She also insists on saying “click here for details” for all her links (I got tired of fighting with her about it). And she wants me to track how many people actually viewed and read the email newsletter she’s sending out every month.
I quite like Curlz actually - so long as it’s not overused!
I totally appreciate all the reasons behind why anchor text linking it better than the “click here” method. Having said that, I do sometimes wonder if the old way is better when it comes to sites that will be viewed by the uneducated public. After all, if they’re still looking for “click here” links then shouldn’t we be providing them? Maybe it’s just a question of educating the uneducated!
I can help you with tracking how many people have viewed an email if you’re interested? There’s no way to tell if people are actually *reading* it though…
Excellent resource for those looking to get a website built and quite funny for designers.
Thanks!
Never thought about it being useful to potential clients Shey - thanks!
Glad you liked it!
Oh yeah… Comic Sans. That font must have some special magic I see. From time to time I am also asked “And how would it look in Comic Sans”
Thanks for this article!!!
Hi Paul;
Can you tell me how can i know, how many people view my mail???
Thanks…
Thanks for your comment Kokesh! I love your Huskies!
Sarp - drop me an email (address on Contact Me page) and I’ll explain…
Did this article get a lot of traffic, Paul?
I’ve had quite a few visits from the comment I left alone!
Good work.
LOL - yeah, just a bit! I got Stumbled four times, Dugg seven times (page 1 on Upcoming), front-paged on Spotplex, and second-paged on Reddit.
I was getting about 10 hits a second at one point!
Take a look at the article views at the top… 21,482 as I write this!
The traffic’s still coming in, but it’s dropped off now!
I plan to post about the experience actually - so watch this space!
What a relief to know that client’s can be equally stupid all over the world. My favourite - has been suggested to me by all clients who fancy they ‘understand design and all that’ - is ” can’t we use a picture, really light, across the background, and put text on it?” For some reason, this ugly and unreadable device is hugely popular amongst Indian clients.
Thanks for your comment Akila!
It would seem that every designer has the same sort of clients as I do - regardless of their country, spoken language or industry! It is quite comforting to know that we all go through the same sort of questions with them!
OMG … bloody hilarious … along with a resounding horror and disgust from a reminiscent past …
My latest (even though I’m not into web dev at the moment) : “There are lots of people making money with a website, I want to do the same. Lets keep it simple.”
Me: “So what’s your plan?”
Him: “You tell me what we can do”
Me: “Rat a tat tat”
Him: “let me ask you, why aren’t you doing it then?”
Me: (Thinking) “Ugh! do you have a clue what you’re talking about?”
Him: “There’s a 14 year old who makes websites and is paying his way through uni”
Me: “Is he a pro? No … thus the extra cost”
He was referring to those gimmicky people selling rag-tagged e-books and a crap-load he gathered from these get-rich-quick-with-internet seminars.
Sent him a break-down cost for the project as about $1400+ for 2 weeks work, he never got back …
Glad you like the post Harshit!
I’ve always believed that you get what you pay for - both when I’m buying something, and when I’m selling my services!
[…] days ago I wrote my 10 Most Stupid Client Questions Ever post - and on the same day Tara from the Graphic Design Blog submitted the article to StumbleUpon. […]
Haha, yeah I can relate to a few of those, but thankfully not most. I certainly don’t want a client who’ll insist on Comic Sans!
I had a small estate agents ask me about a website after I did a logo for them. They thought it’d be ok to grab useful images found from browsing through Google Images, as well as nabbing text from competitors and “chopping it up a bit”!
Boggles the mind.
Thanks for dropping by Damien!
It never fails to amaze me just how many people have no concept of copyright… If it’s online then just help yourself, right?
I worked for a company once who insisted that everything on their site (images and textual content) was to be taken from the site of their main competitor - and manipulated a little. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you who won when the competition found out and took them to court!
You have an excellent blog by the way - it’s been added to my feed reader!
Ha, ha! It seems there’s an universal client spirit out there! One of the most peculiar client desires I’ve met was to make it possible for the visitors to change their background music, by selecting melodies from a list (the site had nothing to do with music). And another one: “please make a different background for each page, because I want my site to look beautiful”.
Thanks for your comment Simonne!
Different background images for each page is probably OK - but I’ll bet that they wanted high-quality (huge filesize) pictures, right?
I wrote on David Airey’s blog recently that I got a client who asked me “Why do you charge so much when it should take no more than 20 minutes of your time”. My reply might be a little arrogant:” It only took 20 min because I have 20 years of knowledge and experience to back me up.” I don’t believe I should provide free service when it’s not minor grammar errors to be corrected or that the simple design adaptation is really a major overhaul.It’s exactly this reason thatI got a list of 24 questions as a guide for copy brief from a professional writer.
Paul, I’m sure you and other designers can relate to “Can your enlarge my logo much bigger?”, “Why can’t I have a few different design concepts to choose from?” and the most recent that made me smile was: “Can I have my logo done within the next 48 hours? I need to make a presentation next week.”
I like your attitude Vivienne - the client often doesn’t appreciate that part of what they pay is for the designer’s experience - because the design process is about more than providing just a product!
Your article on selecting and briefing a copyrighter is very handy - in fact, I’ll be passing a link to a client of mine later today, as he is in that position at the moment!
48 hours doesn’t sound too bad to me for a logo - depending on what was required of course! I had a prospect phone me at 2:05pm the other day, and ask if I could produce an HTML email template for him by 3pm…
Good comments, heard ‘em all over the years that’s for sure. As well as:-
~Can you post the site to me when it’s finished?
~What? You want me to create the About Us section?
~Do you really think we should use the same colours and logos as in the rest of our company?
~Why do you need to come and see us?
Thanks Griff! Definitely with you on your first example - I spoke about the Lo-Tech in a past post!
I’m getting #8 a lot at the moment. My biggest problem is that, certainly at work, I’m just the developer (someone else does the designs). Because the clients don’t see and don’t understand the code, they think that changing something on the website means a 30 second fix that the designer will apply with his image-whizzery. I had to remind the last client that I existed at all…
That’s weird, because I’ve experienced that the other way round - with the backend guy getting the kudos, and me being ignored!
Jem, small point but nobody is ever “just” something, that is negative, everyone has a role and it’s important. I get it though, I work mainly in dreamweaver, usually tables based etc and then you get “Can you change that bit…?” The answer is of course yes because the client is paying (the wages) but THAT change might take me a whole template rewrite! What do you do? How do you get across to someone that doesn’t know, nor wants to know, that the small change they perceive is actually quite a bit of work?
That’s a good question! Personally, I find that simply talking to a client about it works in 95% of cases. There will always be those clients who just “don’t get it” - but most (my ones at least) are intelligent enough to appreciate the work involved. Maybe I’ve just been lucky in that respect?
Paul, how do you feel about being a mentor?
I may have some work for you……
I assume you don’t mean the son of Alcumus?
Sure… Drop me a contact form and we’ll take it from there! 
Oh how I hate comic sans. I hated it when I was 9(I was an artistic kid) and I hate it even more now.
“Can you give it more pizzazz?”
That was my favorite question ever.
Thanks for your comment Buu! Perhaps somebody should start an ‘I Hate Comic Sans’ club?
Cheers for dropping in Sean! According to the dictionary, Pizzazz is the fifth album by R&B/Pop singer Patrice Rushen. Maybe you should have bought them a copy?
Any clients out there in the world who drive designers mad because they believe in astrology or numerology or feng shui? A fellow designer told me a hair-raising story about a corporate identity he was working on - the project was nearly finished when the client’s astrologer told him that the logo colour was not auspicious and should be changed to something totally different. the client, of course, felt that this was a simple matter which ought to take a few seconds. Now I live in fear of the same thing happening to me.
Now that’s a new one on me! I don’t think any of my clients have ever based design decisions on astrological input… Thanks for that Akila!
Not particularly helpful. Not particularly funny.
Oh, there had to be one… LOL!
client: “the other characters all have hats that reveal their profession except for the landlord. Can you put a landlord hat on the landlord?”
I prefer not to call any clients request or question stupid. If they knew all the answers they wouldn’t be asking us. I don’t think there is such a thing as a ’stupid question’, there are however, many stupid answers.
We try to hold onto our secrets because those secrets make us money, yet we critisize the client who does not know the secrets and laugh at their attempt to educate themselves by asking what us gurus call ’stupid questions’.
With any luck, those stupid question asking clients will not find their way to this list and decide that they prefer dealing with a less condescending vendors.
I wonder just how many stupid questions you asked when learning your trade. In retrospect, I know I asked several.
Just an observation.
Regards
Well, thank you for your observation Paul.
I’ve never held on to my trade secrets because they make me money. I’m a staunch and outspoken supporter of the open source movement, shared training, and the free exchange of information.
When you’ve gained a bit more experience, perhaps you’ll realise that there is a vast difference between creative writing and client management.
I’ve been in the freelancing game for a very long time. I’ve never had one complaint from a client, thousands of referrals from satisfied customers, and several clients who’ve gone on to be personal friends - things that wouldn’t have happened if I was the secretive, condescending guru that you seem to think I am!
Just an observation.
[…] clients asked bad questions, it happens. Although the title of the post I am linking to is “10 Most Stupid Client Questions Ever“, I think it is helpful for clients to read this list of […]
“How much is a website?” definitely has to be at the top of my list. I constantly get emailed being asked this question.
The other day i got an email asking “How much will a website cost with Myspace functionality in it”….
To which you should have replied “a million pounds”, and asked where to send the invoice!
Thanks for your comment Mark!
I love your blog design by the way - and you’ve done some great work recently too (I think my fave is Afrigator). You’ve got a new reader!
Hey Paul, I’ll remember that answer for the next email request.
Thanks for the compliment btw. Your in my feedreader as well.
I got out of the biz in ‘01 but back then you’d get questions like “why is the font so big, its all messed up” only to find out later that they had the text size set to “I’M BLIND” in their browser settings.
Alot of problems came from them looking at my designs in AOL 1.0. it was a nightmare.
this was fun to read. thanks.
Hi Kirk! I’m glad you enjoyed it!
LOL @ the text size thing!
I remember AOL 1.0 (shudder).
[…] Enderson, freelancer dedicado al diseño gráfico y al desarrollo de sitios Web nos comparte en su Blog en el irreverente estilo del humor inglés algunas experiencias por las que todos hemos […]
Two quick updates please, can I have my menu links at the top of the pages instead of the side of the pages. And, Can you make my links change color, maybe red or burgandy with white colors?
This was an 80 page site! I guess stating that it is quick justifies a lower fee? haha
Defenitely..! If a client describes something as “really easy” or “really quick” then you know it’s going to take hours/days/weeks to do for them!
Thanks for your comment Rich!