Screaming at Clients
Today’s been a rotten day. The phone has not stopped ringing, I have had nasty emails from people accusing me of things I haven’t even done, I am still trying to debug masses of code - and to end the day I spent 3 hours on the phone to a prospect, repeatedly explaining something that a kid would grasp in 5 minutes.
It was during my exhausting conversation with the prospect that I had a strong sense of deja-vu. When he hung up, I realised that I’d had a client just like him years ago. In fact, clients and prospects seem to fit a few generic types - for me at least! These are my personal top five…
The Snail
These clients can make or (more often) break freelance designers. They do this by paying your invoices six weeks after the really, completely, absolutely latest date you can possibly accept payment - and ironically they are usually the ones who get their deliverables on time, every time. Maybe I should try the “treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen” method of invoice negotiation instead?
The Charity Case
I’ve done my fair share of unpaid work for charities in the past, and I’ve really enjoyed most of it - but this is something else entirely. These clients make paid projects totally unprofitable for you, because they take far more time and effort than you’re actually getting paid for! This problem comes in many flavours: demands for reduced prices and asking for extra unpaid (out-of-hours) support are the two I come across most often.
The Invertebrate
These guys will blindly accept anything you say, provide anything you ask for, pay you more money if you say you need it, and wait for weeks past the deadline before they call to ask how you’re getting on. So these should be the perfect client, right? Wrong! I should love these clients, but they bring out the worst in me! When doing a project for an invertebrate it’s guaranteed that I’ll be at my most lazy, unmotivated, uncaring level… It’s quite a scary metamorphosis!
The Lo-Tech
These are the ones who frequently make a face like they’ve just seen you eat your own nose - when all you’ve actually done is talked about email, social networking, blogging or web accessibility. They refer to video recorders as “Xerox machines”, think broadband is a new radio frequency, and ask for everything to be printed out on foolscap and posted to them.
The Pixel-Shifter
I hate these guys the most. I’ve spent six months trying to create a simple business card for one, and then bolted when they’ve asked me to rework their logo! After showing them any kind of design, they will typically say something like: “Could you move that down half a millimetre. Hmmmm. Now move this left an eighth of an inch for me. Hmm. Now make the text one point size bigger, and add two percent magenta to that block of colour. Hmmmmmmmm. No - I don’t like that at all. Perhaps you could try a different approach?”
The Conclusion
So… What do you do if you’ve got one of the above client-types on your books? Well, personally I’d give them the boot after you’ve finished any outstanding work for them! There are so many nice, friendly, understanding, helpful clients looking for designers, and I believe that most people can get away with being a bit choosy!
Who have I missed then? What are you stereotypical clients like? Got any clients like mine? Leave a comment and let me know!
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That’s excellent. I’ve seen all of those.
One you didn’t mention, though, my most common type: “The Anti-Scout!” A Boy Scout is prepared, right? Well, “The Anti-Scout” (like Anti-Christ), isn’t prepared. Almost as if they can’t be bothered with their own site or view it as some appendage that they must have because the Jonses have it, but for no other reason as become apparent.
I find myself waiting for content all too often. Right now I have four projects that are underway but incomplete because I need content. One past client held me up for eleven months. I had his site done in a week, but he couldn’t seem to be able to get me the content so he had pages with place holder text. Then he took me off the project because I wasn’t done. I wanted to scream. All I needed to finish the job was the content that he failed to supply. Talk about a conundrum.
I’ve had my share of both snails and pixel-pushers, and they’re all a pain in the ass. Two clients in particular come to mind and I can honestly say the only good thing that came out of my relationship with them is the lesson I learned from it. Sorry about the rough day Paul. I don’t know if you ever read UX Mag, but it’s got great stuff, and particularly this article might be of interest to you.
All so true, and I love your names for them. I can particularly relate to the pixel shifter - worse still when they want to sit over your shoulder and direct you, up a bit, down a bit, lighter, darker (has happened in the past - now I avoid at all costs)
Mike: I’ve had one or two of those in the past. I was given a client by a friend of mine in the industry, and he was an Anti-Scout - but I was warned about that before I took him, so I drew up a detailed contract before signing him over. He was so concerned about the document that he delivered everything my friend had been waiting for in 4 days.
Charity: I haven’t come across UX Mag - that’s a good site and an interesting article, so thanks for that!
Tara: You’re right - there should be two varients: the external pixel-pusher (does the whole fiddling thing remotely) and the internal one you mention (you often get these when working on contract for design agencies).
LOL! Just found this article on Freelance Switch - from a link on UX Mag!
It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one with enough problem clients to fill a clog post! Oh well, they say nothing’s truly original these days…
I regularly run into clients like Mike Cherim noted — those who take months and months to deliver content. I have started to become the “Content Nazi” (my apologies to Seinfeld’s “Soup Nazi”) when it comes to my original contract with the clients. I have inserted a clause into my contracts stating that if the content is not provided within 90 days of signing, then the full amount is due and payable.
Needless to say, this is a fine line that you might not want to impose on a particular client, but it’s nice to have it as a backup if needed.
Thanks for your comment David! I’ve tried not to impose strict contracts on my clients in the past, but there are most certainly some arrangements that would have benefited from some paperwork!
I had a small stint in the design industry and every single client I had was a dick. In my experience they take the fun out of designing anything. I like that pic in this post. Is it your own? It reminds me of Jacob’s Ladder.
LOL! Thanks for that Paul!
Not sure where I got the pic from… I think it may have been flickr originally!
Paul,
I know exactly how you feel, albeit I am responsible for one site, everytime a change is requested, the requester is always a Pixel Shifter, and quite often a Lo-Tech!!
Think I may move to V6 a lot sooner than planned!!
My sympathies go to you for dealing with more than one of the above on a daily basis!!
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How about those people who know what they want, but it is basically design crap… I hate myself for putting up those designs, but I want to please the client.
Hi J David! Fortunatley, I’ve always found that I can persuade the client to see things my way - even if it’s only partially my way! But then I’ve always been a good salesman!
What about “The A$$*(^$”, the kinds that refuse to pay after the work is complete! Luckily I have had just one such client, this guy used aliases to contract work as a not-for-profit and on completion disappeared. He never replied to my emails or never acknowledged the invoice for months. But there are way’s around such clients/issues that I would not dare write here, all I can tell you is I got him bad
Thanks for your comment! Yeah - I’ve had one guy who didn’t pay. I helped him set up a UK registred company, sorted out his VAT situation, created a logo and website for him, created an impressive brochure and got it printed - and then got stuffed for the 5k he owed me when he suddely upped and moved back to Cyprus.
As you say, there are ways to deal with this sort of client - but this guy had relatives in the Turkish Mafia, so I didn’t feel I should press the subject too much!
I think we have all gotten burned once, but I learned early on only to take on work from clients with a 50% deposit. If they are not interested in working under this arrangement, I move on. Makes life a bit simpler.
I’d like to use that sort of arrangement, but the corporates don’t like paying half up front! I’ve found the easiest way to do it is this:
1. If it’s a new client, then insist on 25% in advance, or 35% if the total project price is more than a thousand pounds.
2. The balance on both of these arrangements is payable 14 days after the project is complete.
3. Once the business relationship has been established, and the first invoice has been paid without problems, then I move to a 14-day invoice for less than a grand, and a 30-day invoice for more.
I find this works well for me at least, and gives me a get-out clause - just in case I get bad vibes about a client!
About 50% of my clients are repeat customers, so they are safe, the rest I try and hand pick those within the US with phone numbers and addresses.
That’s certainly one way to avoid potential issues. One of the first things I do when I get called about a new project is take the caller’s complete details - address, email, phone and fax numbers, the lot. If somebody doesn’t feel comfortable giving me this information, then I generally don’t feel comfortable working with them!
By the way HSO (Alex?)… I’m a long-time fan of your theme work mate - pracaredux is even on my shortlist of possible themes to hack about for my next refresh! It’s an honour to have a WP legend (
) commenting on my little blog!